40 Easy Ways To Love Yourself In Any Type Of Relationship
I remember my days in secondary school.
There was a bright, dazzling and clever girl who was my friend.
I got so attached to her that her yes was my yes and her no was my no.
To make matters worse, I began to look down on myself
and looked forward to her affirmations before accepting any belief.
My personal perception gradually became shallow?
Then I started depending on her answers during tests and assignments.
I believed if I didn’t read enough, she would be there to fill the gaps.
Whenever we had a little misunderstanding, I’d be so afraid.
It got so bad that I once told my parents I wasn’t going to school anymore.
I was so terrified about life without her. Yeah, it was that bad ?.
Life happened, I mistakenly broke her mirror.
Of course, I apologized but it was unaccepted.
I tried to make her see things in my light but she was too hasty emotionally.
Then we had a French test and I tried to depend on her again.
This time she covered everything including the commas and the full stops ?.
Oh, I failed woefully. You know that kind of zero that has big eyes and a frowning mouth.
It was then I remembered mum studied French.
I quickly ran to her preemptively for extra lessons before exams?
Then I started to look inwards to find other sources of happiness.
Picked my pieces and read like my life depended on it.
I also started to take a second thought on people’s opinion before accepting it as my reality.
The crux of the matter: You need to love yourself to be able to love others.
It is without doubts that the noises, occurrences, disappointments and clutter in the world today are beginning to make several individuals listen to the crowd more than they do to their inner voices.
If negative thoughts and criticism from others usually sink into your heart to affect your mood, self-esteem and confidence then you have a lot of work to do on your self.
Read this too: How to develop a growth mindset
It’s most likely that your self-love meter is crying for help and needing a push-up. Without further ado, I’ll tell you what and what you need to know for you to love yourself more than ever before.
1. Accept the person you are
For you to have enough love to share around, you need to deeply love yourself and accept the person you are. Remember you cannot pour (to others) from an empty cup (you).
If you are looking for that one person that will love you and accept you for who you are, look into the mirror, the person you see should do that.
2. Be proud of yourself
Be your biggest fan if you don’t find any. It doesn’t end there, be proud of who you are becoming. As long as you’re doing the right thing, you need not be ashamed of how someone else sees you.
Loving yourself doesn’t make you self-centred but makes you be in control of your happiness. Criticism will only help you get better, don’t ever let it push you to look down on yourself. Repeat it to yourself time after time that you cannot fail at being yourself.
3. Celebrate yourself
You also have a million potentials you haven’t discovered yet. Why not take a deep look at yourself and celebrate yourself. You also deserve some love and attention. Nobody will celebrate you the way you will celebrate yourself.
Give yourself a treat when you achieve little successes. Go for a spa treatment, buy yourself a good gift. You deserve to be feel good about you.
4. Don’t try to be someone else
Imitation has now become the order of the day but you need to always remind yourself that you are a unique individual. No one can be exactly like you and you cannot be exactly someone else.
Even children sometimes have some slightly different personalities outside their parent’s genetic makeup. Hence, being yourself makes you original which is more valuable than being a photocopy 🙄 .
5. Find that special thing in you
Find your own unique style and ability, then enjoy it. The real hard work is to overcome who you perceive yourself to be. So who do you think you are or you aren’t?
You may not have attained that height but who says a work-in-progress would not become a finished product? So, stop underestimating yourself.
6. Common, believe in yourself
Can you please believe in yourself a little more? Many people give up on their dreams when they are only an inch away from that door that will open up to the opportunities they have been looking out for.
You have to just say it to yourself that you are a winner whether anybody likes it or not. You need to believe in yourself even if nobody does and that’s why you must not give anyone the consent to make you feel inferior.
7. Embrace passing moments
Love every exciting and tough moment or better still adapt to it. You cannot abhor the experiences and occurrences that shaped and moulded you.
Life needs to be adventurous for you to learn from the bad times and value the good times.
If some entrepreneurs didn’t go through a tough time, they may never have become successful today.
7. Protect your self-esteem
Build a wall around your heart that bounces off hurting words and throws vulgar threats off the fence of your mind.
Walk away from anything that makes you feel worse. You need to be selective about your choice of friends. Choose people of like minds and almost the same stage in life.
This doesn’t mean you can’t relate wonderfully to everyone else, but ensure your smaller circle are those that care about how you feel.
9. Stop judging yourself
Such is Life and whatever is happening to you is not a one-in-a-trillion experience. It’s not new and you are probably the one-millionth person experiencing this.
If only you could forget the past, and solely focus on what you can do now, you’ll end up loving yourself more.
10. Forgive yourself
You really need to forgive yourself for whatever is happening to you. Yes, forgiveness is the key. Forgive yourself for allowing what happened to you to actually happen to you.
You tried but it still happened. That’s fine. Pick up yourself, forgive yourself and move on.
11. Don’t hate or sulk
Life shows you itself in diverse colours. Sometimes, you just need some experiences to make you a better person. That experience that made you come looking for this article will make you wiser.
It will also make you less judgemental of others. Don’t hate or sulk when life hits you in the head with hard brick.
12. Accept that change is a part of life
Whether you are prepared for it or not, it’s just another time to enjoy a change. Whether you expect it or not, change is certain in life.
Change can come in the form of people, jobs, relationships, positions, titles, entitlements or whatever you can think of.
13. Let go
Letting go gets you out of that misery and debt caused by past life events. It’s easier to earn self-love when everything is wiped clean.
But can you just turn off the past? Yes, you can by learning from the experience. By picking up a skill from the experience. By being a better you…and it is a skill to not judge.
Don’t judge the past, accept it, look at it critically and learn from it. Don’t dwell there. Don’t go about with a metal detector at the beach, looking for what’s left to be salvaged.
14. Know yourself more
It’s a season to know more about yourself. You probably have more natural potential than you could use if you lived one hundred lifetimes.
Some words are said to shape you, strengthen you and make you a better person. Learn from them?
15. Realize your purpose
Some situations have to happen for you to discover your purpose and follow your intuition. Your life’s story is unique. It needs to be cooked well to help others who might be in your shoes in the near future.
16. Discover true happiness
Personally, true happiness is found in Christ. His words and Life are mind-blowing. When you discover your own happiness, everything else is secondary. If you haven’t found it, you just need to keep looking.
17. Know that you can’t please everyone
Don’t spread yourself too thin that you end up losing yourself while trying to make people accept you. Retain your sense of perspective. Everyone will not love you. Some will always be there to remind you that you are not perfect.
Affirmation from others shouldn’t be what shapes you, rather your choices. The carefully selected choices that take you to where you wanna be.
18. Show up
The small things make the difference, like showing up. Show up at the gym. Show up to my friends birthdays, no matter how far. Show up at your next family outing. Speak to a crowd confidently.
19. Get busy
Yes, get busy. You might still feel some cold inside or almost soulless but getting busy takes your mind off the moment. If you have to work additional hours or read a new kind of book, do it. This will drive the pain further in the opposite direction.
Learn music, learn how to play an instrument, such as a guitar or drums. Write to play around with words, just do something new to help you bounce back.
20. Help people
Be committed to helping people. Be a coach to others. Mentor people. Be a part of their success stories. When you finally see them succeed, it will give you a kind of joy and self-love that cannot be stolen.
Make others who are now in your position feel better. You will likely be able to help them better than a therapist because you have been there, done that. Helping people will become a drug to ease your own pain.
21. Give attention to others
Be an ear to hear their problems and give suggestions that could help without making them feel they are dumb. Be a shoulder to lean on. You must love to feel loved.
Love your family and friends, Love your passion in life, Love serving others who are in need.
22. Be the best version of yourself
Become the best version of yourself so that you can give the best version of yourself to others. The more valuable you become, the more value you can give to others. It’s as simple as ABC. Be more to do more. It’s simple math.
Don’t try to just love yourself—work on yourself anyway. Not for you, but for the ones you love. Lose your soul, only then will you be able to find it. Matthew 16:26
You might be cold now but try as hard as possible to, come back a hardened value-abundant machine.
23. Smile more often!
It will reduce any pressure you might be feeling. You never know how powerful a smile can be until you smile at a confused child who looks at you and then returns the smile.
While you smile, make good eye contact with others.
24. Spend less time on social media
If going on social media makes you think less of yourself, limit your presence on it. However, there are some support groups that can make you feel better but if you don’t have any specific one, stay off the media until you get something doing.
If that doesn’t sound good to you, you could specifically unfollow pages that are the real culprits of how you feel.
25. Practice Self-talk
Practice positive self-talk each day. This is one of the best ways to change your mindset overall. Joel Osteen once said, if there are positive statements people have said to you, write them down and hang them somewhere until they become too heavy and almost starting to fall off.
Confess nice things to yourself – I am beautiful, I am smart, I have beautiful handwriting. I am jovial, I am free-spirited, I am not mediocre. Practice positive affirmations. You can even write them on sticky notes and place them on your mirror so you see them every day while you get ready!
26. Laugh out loud
There is a difference between laughing and laughing out loud. Except you’re in a corporate, official setting, I think you should express your laughter loudly to feel better about yourself.
If you have to watch funny YouTube videos or movies to make yourself laugh, please do. You could also hang out with funny people that will help to take away worries and stress.
As long as you want to attract what makes you love yourself more, do well to decongest your life with unnecessary things in your space. You’ll have to figure that out yourself.
Get rid of anything in your life that no longer serves your best interest.
28. Take deep breaths
Remember to take deep breaths and tell yourself that this too shall pass. Breathe in the good, breathe out the bad.
29. Practise Journaling
Start a gratitude journal so you can keep your mind focused on all the blessings in life instead of all the worries you might have. Have a success book. Write your plans and plan for the coming year.
As you achieve things, tick them. Start writing your dreams and goals down, and make a list of steps to help you achieve those goals. If possible, put a timeline to it.
30. Do what’s best for you
What’s best for you may not be what others believe is best for you. So, it is important to first discover what’s best for you and your emotional state, then go for it.
This may not be the best for your closest buddy. It may not be the best for your immediate thirst and it may not be the best for your present status. However, if you’re certain it’s best for you, especially in the long run, you should go for it.
31. Be grateful
Meditate each morning for some minutes so that you can start each day focused and refreshed. Think about the good things in your life.
What about simple things others don’t have but you do? Think about worse problems you don’t have and be grateful. It could be something you often think are insignificant – health, families, good education, meals, shelter etc.
32. Spend some time alone
Learn the importance of spending time alone. For you to know yourself the more and believe more in yourself, you need a ‘me’ time. You need to be able to reduce the background noise so you can listen to yourself.
- How am I feeling?
- What do I need to do to feel better?
- What is it that I’m failing at?
When you have some time alone, you’ll realize where you need help faster and quickly connect with the tools to bolster those areas without judgement and without being hard on yourself.
33. Work on yourself
What is it you love in people? You can be that for others. Let me explain that.
I want to be loved with a love that is true, deep and stable. Yes, I want someone who will always want the best for me. I want someone I can count on. I want some who will not stop loving me because I made a mistake. Really want someone who is transparent and accountable.
I want someone that can tell me what I have done wrong and encourage me to do better instead of speaking ill of me to others. Whatever you wish from others, do to others. If you don’t get it back, don’t stop. They will soon come to realize how much beautiful heart you’ve got. If they don’t even realize it, someone else will do and appreciate you.
That’s what I work on becoming for myself.
34. Don’t be influenced by others
If you already know what’s good for you and has worked for you, it’s important you don’t let someone else make you feel it’s the worst decision. Just say thanks for your advice. You don’t need to give any explanation of your opinion especially if the person is not seeking it. Know what’s good for you and go for it.
When someone talks like they have a clear idea of how you should live your life and you give in, that’s where you start leading a miserable life and end up living someone else’s life. There’s nothing wrong with learning from others, but make sure it aligns with your desires and values.
35. Understand that this is your life
Your life is different and that’s what makes you unique. Everyone has their uniqueness. You have yours too.
You may not be able to change your personality, family background, or what you currently have. But one thing you can change is “YOU.”
That change starts from appreciating what you have which brings lots of positivity around you. After all, it’s one life. You can either end up living your entire life with your insecurities or choose to ignore people’s opinion.
36. Be an infant
Infants are not moved by highs or lows. They are easily impressed. You scream at them and they end up smiling back at you. let go and become an infant again. Slowly you get re-born. This time learning slowly self-love. Money? IQ? Looks? Success? What do THEY have to do with LOVE? None.
But imagine spending decades living by these, judging by these, making decisions by these and then having to admit “shit, they meant nothing”. They actually mean nothing if you really want to love yourself.
This could be the most difficult thing to do but not attaching high value to any physical attributes will make you appreciate yourself much more. You can have something today and lose it tomorrow, so they shouldn’t be a determining factor of how you feel about yourself.
37. Nurture yourself
We are born as a happy human being but as life goes on, we move on from inner goodness to darker places. Remember, the real you when you are in your best form — the unaltered you, when you were not told those lies. Remember who you were before believing those lousy stories.
Give this exercise a try and meet people with positive energy. If you hit those down moments then pause and detoxify your mind, re-store your self-love. Go back to your bubbling, chatty smiling self you were before life knocked you down.
Nurturing yourself as a whole is the first step towards re-storing self-love.
38. Talk about it to a reasonable person
Talk about what makes you uncomfortable to someone that makes you feel comfortable. Most of the time, you miss to spell out our emotions which accumulates over a period of time.
When it accumulates and reoccurs, your reaction is blown out of proportion. This isn’t good for your self-worth, self-esteem and self-love.
Talk about it to someone and wipe it off. Start a “new” day every day. There is no place for “yesterday” in today’s world.
39. Take advantage of your crack
A farmer had a piece of land where he did some farming and earned a living from that. He had 2 pots in which he used to carry water from the river back to the farm. After a few days, one of the pots developed a little crack. Half of the water used to drip down and only half could be retained.
The pot felt really bad said to the farmer “Master, I am no longer useful to you. I cannot hold back the water because of my crack. Please throw me away and make a good pot for yourself.”
To which the farmer replied. “I’ll show you something today. Please observe the path we go” And they, as usual, went to the river. While coming back, the farmer asked the pot “ What do you see on your side of the road?”
The pot replied, “ How come I did not notice such beautiful flowers all along until now”. The farmer replied “I’ve always known about your crack and took advantage of it. I’ve planted flower seeds all along the way and it is you my dear that watered then every day. If you weren’t like you we would have missed such beautiful flowers”
We all are cracked pots and come with flaws. There is always some good that will happen just when you know how to mend your flaws. You can love yourself only when you learn to embrace your ‘cracks’ and mould them to be useful.
As you begin to love yourself, enjoy the present time. Today, do what only brings you joy and happiness, things that make your heart cheer no matter how insignificant. Do them in your way and rhythm.
As you begin to love yourself, quit trying to always be right, and you will find yourself being less wrong. Live each day, day by day.
Anything could be going the way you didn’t envisage but that doesn’t mean you should lose yourself or feel depressed.
After all the dust settles, what will remain is a passionate chiselled version of yourself that has joy through personal mastery. In the end, you will be so loved by you. Regardless of how you personally feel, you’ll show up.
You will find an undying love for yourself and your ability to bring so much value.
It’s like a farmer who loves his tractor because it helps him feed his family. You become a machine that provides help for all those you can reach, and one day, you will love this machine so much.
Move on and enjoy the bright side of you!