8 Ways To Get Over A Friendship Gone Bad
Heartbreaks are not limited to love relationships. It is very possible to be heartbroken when a friendship gets sour or you decide to give up on a friendship you truly cherish.
This can hurt really bad especially when this friend is very dear to you. Believe me, this kind of breakup can be more heart-shattering than a break up from a love relationship.
Humans, in general, often desire to have a lasting relationship, be it friendship or love relationship. We are never prepared to end any relationship we commit to. We unconsciously imagine our future with the other party – how beautiful and perfect it will be.
However, life always knows how to throw a wrench in our plans.
Are you currently experiencing heartbreak due to a friendship gone sour? Do you feel like the most horrible person right now because he/she left?
Brace up! You have to understand that not everyone is suitable for your life’s journey, no matter how close you were before the break-up. There will come a time you’ll have no better option than to let go especially when that friend drains you or affects you negatively.
Remember that you are the most important person to you. To let go of a friend isn’t always easy BUT you also have to be mentally and emotionally healthy.
Such breakups may come with sadness and bitterness if it’s not properly managed. Therefore, here are some tips on how to get over such situations.
1. Analyse the situation that led to the breakup
Yeah! It is a hard step to take and you will need a whole lot of courage to do it, nevertheless, it is very important you do it. It is natural for you to want to shy away from this because you want to avoid a load of bad memories it brings.
You are not alone, many of us are like that. We fear such responsibilities and hide behind the rush of emotions without facing the truth.
However, this is the first step to take if you really want to get over the situation. You might be thinking, “I’ve thought about the incident a thousand and one times.”
Note that I did not suggest you just think about it but you should honestly analyse the situation. Your honesty is very much needed here because it helps you see the truth of the matter and enables you to own your wrong. It’s hard to eat your crow, but when you sincerely admit that you were also wrong, nobody will bite your head off.
All the blame shouldn’t just go to the friend. It’s natural to play the victim but taking responsibility helps us become better.
When you take responsibility for your actions in the incident, it helps reduce your bitterness against that friend. Hence, it is easier to let go of the tension that has built up in your body due to grudge and unforgiveness.
In addition, you shouldn’t bottle up your emotions but let them out. Cry as much as you want to but face the truth. I will also advise that you do this alone, avoid narrating the incident to someone when taking this step.
You will only end up being an object of pity and your judgement may be beclouded.
2. Write out the benefits of letting go
Writing out the benefits of letting go is another crucial step to take. One of the reasons why you feel so terrible about the break up is because you are scared of doing life without him or her, especially if the friendship has come a long way.
Even so, you have to consciously admit that they are no longer available and look out for the benefits of their absence. Some of the benefits may include:
- Not having to deal with toxicity and negativism;
- Ability to be Independent;
- Freedom to be more productive,
- Conflict resolution skills and experience
- No more unnecessary arguments;
- A new sense of self-worth;
- Ability to make good decisions amongst others.
It is very important you state out the benefits of your decision to let the other person go. This will help you focus on what is most valuable.
3. Spend time with others
You definitely will feel reluctant to do this. It is natural for you to desire to be alone and drown in self-pity, especially if you are a lady.
You’ll prefer meeting with your introverted friends. Those who will ‘understand’ you and form a pity party for you. However, if you truly desire to get over the situation you will need to be very strong and go out with your extroverted friends. The ones that seem not to care much but absolutely love to catch fun.
These kind of people are your best therapy in this situation. They just want you to get over it at once and see how beautiful life is. They always want to try something new and exciting and do not mind if you join them even when you claim to be hurting.
Spending time with this kind of people will help take your mind off the situation and make you feel better. Here are some tips of what you could do
- Go on a roller coaster or try scaling a wall
- Go shopping
- See an exciting movie
Just try to be spontaneous and you will be surprised how fast you’ll heal.
4. Distract yourself
This is quite similar to the last point because spending time with others is also a way of distracting yourself.
Even so, instead of catching fun as earlier stated, you can decide to do something challenging – like learning a new skill, lend a helping hand through community service or volunteering (remember that those who help others always feel fulfilled).
You could also start a gym program if needed, you could learn to drive. Just try to do something that will distract your mind.
Also, try to do things that make you a better person and avoid the temptation of speaking negatively about the other party no matter what they’ve done. You have to let go completely.
5. Stay out of contact
Here’s another wise decision you must take. You will be tempted to check out what’s going on in the other person’s life. You will want to see their Facebook page or check out their Instagram story to see if they are catching fun without you or they are sad as you are.
It is important you do not do any of those because you might end up being miserable than you were.
Imagine checking their Facebook page and you see that they wrote horrible things about you on their timeline or you find out that they do not give a damn about you and are having their best time.
Will you feel better? So, don’t give in to your curiosity. Try your best to cut off any until you get better. You can quietly unfollow them on the social media platforms not because you are still very mad at them but because you want to keep your sanity.
If this temptation comes, just pick up the notepad in which you wrote the benefits of letting go in and remind yourself that you have done what’s best for you.
6. Reflect on that friendship
When you’re convinced that you feel better and the breakup no longer hurts, take a break from socializing and other distractions, in order to reflect.
This, I’d say, is very essential because it keeps you from repeating any mistake that was made earlier or getting into another toxic relationship. Also, remember that a relationship with yourself is the only guaranteed long-term relationship.
This will keep you from the wrong feeling that you can’t be fine by yourself. Deep reflections help you avoid another toxic or parasitic relationship.
Here are some of the things to reflect on:
- Who am I without this person?
- What is really important to me?
- What did I lose in the process of holding on?
- How can I become a better me?
- What attracted me to him or her in the first place?
- What led to the breakup?
- How long did I hold on to the friendship when I was supposed to let go?
Reflecting on these will certainly go a long way in making better decisions about future friendships.
N.B Fight all temptation to have a new BFF or friend as soon as possible. Carefully take time to know and understand yourself first. Then, you will be able to know what you truly want and deserve.
7. Remind yourself that you are in charge of your life
I know it’s not easy and I have highlighted this severally. You’ve been with this person since you were kids. You never expected the backstab.
Someday, you feel you can still make up with them or let them into your life one more time, after all, they are not that bad. You feel you cannot do without them and you’ve come too far to totally let go. 😕
All these and many more thoughts might be playing in your head. Nevertheless, nobody is in charge of your life except you let them. You are the most important person to you. Never forget that.
You may feel you cannot pull through without them but you never know that until you give it a try. 😉
8. Focus on getting better
There is a 90% possibility that you will keep attracting what you represent. You will notice that you easily become fond of people who see things from your point of view and have the same values as yours.
Therefore, if you want to attract a very good friend, you have to become a better person yourself. Or better put, be the kind of friend you’d love to have.
Be intentional about becoming better. You can achieve this by reading good books on relationships and understanding people.
- Understand different temperaments
- Spend time with different people; old and young
- Learn about perspectives
- Show genuine care for others, do not just be out for your own gain
- Do whatsoever makes you happy
- Learn new vocation or skill
Make the most of your life and trust me, you will end up with better people.
I know you feel better now 🙂
In conclusion, breaking up with a friend, especially a dear friend can be devastating. However, you do not have control over external circumstances but you can fine-tune your reaction to make a seemingly bad situation work in your favour.
You do not have control over your friend’s behaviour but you have absolute control over your own reaction. You can control and help yourself to get the best out of a breakup.
It is not always easy but it is worth the try. Below are the outline of the steps you can take in order to feel better and get better:
- Analyse the situation that led to the breakup.
- Write out the benefits of letting go
- Spend time with others
- Distract yourself
- Stay out of contact
- Always remind yourself that you are in charge of your life
In addition, it is vital for you to know that who you give access to in your life determines how far you will go in life.
A wise man once said, ‘you cannot go beyond who your friends are. ‘If your best friend is a negative person, you will be affected by his or her negativity.
If he or she is narrow-minded, you cannot be any better. Hence, it is necessary to be intentional about who you want to let go and who you desire to keep.
Remember that the only guaranteed long-term friendship is friendship with yourself. No other relationship is guaranteed. So move on and become the best version of yourself.
I hope this article was a great read. Which of the points do you feel you should improve on? Kindly drop your comments in the section below. I look forward to hearing from you.