20 Ways To Get Over A Friendship Gone Bad
Heartbreaks are not limited to love relationships. It is very possible to be heartbroken when a friendship gets sour, or you decide to give up on a friendship you truly cherish.
Believe me, this kind of breakup can be more heart-shattering than a breakup from a love relationship.
Humans, in general, often desire to have a lasting relationship, be it a friendship or a love relationship.
We are never prepared to end any relationship we commit to.
We unconsciously imagine our future with the other party – how beautiful and perfect it will be.
However, life always knows how to throw a wrench in our plans.
Are you currently experiencing heartbreak due to a friendship gone sour?
Do you feel like the most horrible person right now because he/she left?
Brace up! You have to understand that not everyone is suitable for your life’s journey, no matter how close you were before the breakup.
And you have to learn the importance of celebrating failure for success in every sad situation you find yourself in such as losing a friendship bond you wished lasted forever.
There will come a time you’ll have no better option than to let go especially when that friend drains you or affects you negatively.
Remember that you are the most important person to you. To let go of a friend isn’t always easy BUT you also have to be mentally and emotionally healthy.
Such breakups may come with sadness and bitterness if it’s not managed correctly. Therefore, here are some tips on how to get over such situations.
1. Analyze the situation that led to the breakup
Yeah! It is a hard step to take, and you will need a whole lot of courage to do it, nevertheless, you must do it.
It is natural for you to want to shy away from this because you want to avoid a load of bad memories it brings.
You are not alone, many of us are like that.
We fear such responsibilities and hide behind the rush of emotions without facing the truth.
However, this is the first step to take if you want to get over the situation. You might be thinking, “I’ve thought about the incident a thousand and one times.”
Note that I did not suggest you just think about it, but you should honestly analyze the situation.
Your honesty is very much needed here because it helps you see the truth of the matter and enables you to own your wrong.
It’s hard to eat your crow, but when you sincerely admit that you were also wrong, nobody will bite your head off.
All the blame shouldn’t just go to the friend.
It’s natural to play the victim but taking responsibility helps us become better.
When you take responsibility for your actions in the incident, it helps reduce your bitterness against that friend.
Hence, it is easier to let go of the tension that has built up in your body due to grudges and unforgiveness.
In addition, you shouldn’t bottle up your emotions but let them out. To do this properly, you have to understand how to improve emotional intelligence.
Cry as much as you want to but face the truth.
I will also advise that you do this alone and avoid narrating the incident to someone when taking this step.
You will only end up being an object of pity and your judgment may be beclouded.
2. Write out the benefits of letting go
Writing out the benefits of letting go is another crucial step to take.
One of the reasons why you feel so terrible about the breakup is because you are scared of doing life without him or her, especially if the friendship has come a long way.
Even so, you have to consciously admit that they are no longer available and look out for the benefits of their absence. Some of the benefits may include:
- Not having to deal with toxicity and negativism.
- Ability to be Independent.
- Freedom to be more productive,
- Conflict resolution skills and experience
- No more unnecessary arguments.
- A new sense of self-worth.
- Ability to make good decisions amongst others.
You must state the benefits of the decision to let the other person go.
This will help you focus on what is most valuable.
3. Spend time with others
You definitely will feel reluctant to do this.
It is natural for you to desire to be alone and drown in self-pity, especially if you are a lady.
You’ll prefer meeting with your introverted friends.
Those who will ‘understand’ you and form a pity party for you.
However, if you truly desire to get over the situation you will need to be very strong and go out with your extroverted friends.
The ones that seem not to care much but love to catch fun.
These kinds of people are your best therapy in this situation. They just want you to get over it at once and see how beautiful life is.
They always want to try something new and exciting and do not mind if you join them even when you claim to be hurting.
Spending time with this kind of person will help take your mind off the situation and make you feel better. Here are some tips on what you could do
- Go on a roller coaster or try scaling a wall
- Go shopping
- See an exciting movie
Just try to be spontaneous and you will be surprised how fast you’ll heal.
4. Distract yourself
This is quite similar to the last point because spending time with others is also a way of distracting yourself.
Even so, instead of catching fun as earlier stated, you can decide to do something challenging – like learning a new skill, lending a helping hand through community service, or volunteering (remember that those who help others always feel fulfilled).
You could also start a gym program if needed, you could learn to drive.
Just try to do something that will distract your mind.
Also, try to do things that make you a better person and avoid the temptation of speaking negatively about the other party no matter what they’ve done.
talking shitty things about the other person can be regarded as a waste of time and energy. There are ways you can avoid this if you know how to stop wasting your life and be a better person for yourself and those around you.
You have to let go completely.
5. Stay out of contact
Here’s another wise decision you must take.
You will be tempted to check out what’s going on in the other person’s life.
there is a high possibility that you would want to see their Facebook page or check out their Instagram story to see if they are catching fun without you or if they are sad as you are.
In as much as social media is one of the ways you can discover how to find someone you lost contact with for free, there is a thin line between innocent research and obsessive stalking.
You mustn’t do any of those because you might end up being more miserable than you were.
Imagine checking their Facebook page and you see that they wrote horrible things about you on their timeline, or you find out that they do not give a damn about you and are having their best time.
Will you feel better? So, don’t give in to your curiosity.
Try your best to cut off any until you get better.
You can quietly unfollow them on social media platforms not because you are still very mad at them but because you want to keep your sanity.
If this temptation comes, just pick up the notepad in which you wrote the benefits of letting go in and remind yourself that you have done what’s best for you.
6. Reflect on that friendship
When you’re convinced that you feel better and the breakup no longer hurts, take a break from socializing and other distractions, to reflect.
This, I’d say, is very essential because it keeps you from repeating any mistake that was made earlier or getting into another toxic relationship.
Also, remember that a relationship with yourself is the only guaranteed long-term relationship. So, it’s best to know how to love yourself more before you decide to love anything or anyone else.
This will keep you from the wrong feeling that you can’t be fine by yourself.
Deep reflections help you avoid another toxic or parasitic relationship.
Here are some of the things to reflect on:
- Who am I without this person?
- What is important to me?
- What did I lose in the process of holding on?
- How can I become a better me?
- What attracted me to him or her in the first place?
- What led to the breakup?
- How long did I hold on to the friendship when I was supposed to let go?
Reflecting on these will certainly go a long way in making better decisions about future friendships.
N.B. Fight all temptation to have a new BFF or friend as soon as possible. Carefully take time to know and understand yourself first.
Then, you will be able to know what you truly want and deserve.
7. Remind yourself that you are in charge of your life
I know it’s not easy and I have highlighted this severally. You’ve been with this person since you were kids.
You never expected the backstab.
Someday, you feel you can still make up with them or let them into your life one more time, after all, they are not that bad.
You feel you cannot do without them, and you’ve come too far to let go. 😕
All these and many more thoughts might be playing in your head.
Nevertheless, nobody is in charge of your life except you let them.
You are the most important person to you. Never forget that.
You may feel you cannot pull through without them but you never know that until you give it a try. 😉
8. Focus on getting better
There is a 90% possibility that you will keep attracting what you represent.
You will notice that you easily become fond of people who see things from your point of view and have the same values as yours.
Therefore, if you want to attract a very good friend, you have to become a better person yourself.
Or better put, be the kind of friend you’d love to have.
Be intentional about becoming better. You can achieve this by reading good books on relationships and understanding people.
- Understand different temperaments
- Spend time with different people; old and young
- Learn about perspectives
- Show genuine care for others, do not just be out for your gain
- Do whatsoever makes you happy
- Learn a new vocation or skill
Make the most of your life and trust me, you will end up with better people.
9. Ask yourself if you are still friends
Friendships go through ups and downs.
They can even end completely if one person decides they have had enough.
But sometimes things just do not work out as planned — which is why it is important to ask yourself whether or not you want to remain friends with the person who made your life difficult in the first place.
Ask yourself if you are still friends.
If you want to remain friendly, but do not want anything more than that, then it is probably best to keep things as they are.
But if you do not feel like being around them anymore because they hurt you too much or were never really there for you in the first place, then it may be time for a break.
10. Take a break
If you find yourself getting frustrated or annoyed with your friend, take a little time away from them.
There are easy ways that show you how to love yourself more in a relationship. And this doesn’t make you selfish in any way.
It might be as simple as spending some time with people who appreciate your company without having to constantly deal with the drama in the relationship.
Spend time with friends who are not so focused on drama and work together toward making sure that things stay positive between the two of you long-term.
This will help you to save your face.
11. Make amends if possible
If there is anything that makes matters worse between two people, it is when someone does something wrong and refuses to fix it; this makes things even more frustrating for everyone involved.
Sometimes, making amends for the things you did wrong can help make you and your friend feel better about yourselves and your relationships with others.
Hence, if you observe that your relationship with your friend is about to go wrong or has already gone wrong, apologize and make amends as soon as possible so that everyone can move on with their lives in peace again.
It may be hard to do at first — but if both of you want to put this behind you and start fresh together again, then it is worth taking the time to get things right between the two of you once and for all.
12. Accept that things are different now
Sometimes, friendships change over time and distance.
This happens in friendships all the time — sometimes they just do not work out anymore.
But this does not mean they were not worth it at one point; rather, it means that the friendship has grown or changed since then.
You cannot go back in time, so take a step back to see what is going on between the two of you.
Is it possible for you and your friend to work through this issue? if you think that your friend is worth your worry, then you should know how to maintain a good relationship with friends and save this friendship from crashing.
Or do you need space from each other for now?
13. Try and see the good in them
You cannot change the past, but you can learn from it.
When a friend or family member makes a mistake, there are many ways to get over it.
In the end, they are still a person with flaws, just like you.
If you feel betrayed by them, try and see the good in them.
You might have been friends with them for years, but if they have done something that bothers you, it is best to remember why you liked them in the first place.
Sometimes we forget why we chose someone when things start going wrong, but if we can remember why we chose them in the first place, then we can use that as a way to forgive ourselves for any past mistakes or bad behavior (like being mean or hurtful).
While it is to focus on the negative aspects of your ex-friends, it is certainly not a great idea.
You will only be further distancing yourself from them, and that could eventually lead to more serious damage.
Instead, try and see the good in them, even if it is just a small thing.
14. Be gentle with yourself while breaking up
Be gentle with yourself while breaking up.
Being gentle with yourself is necessary, but it is also vital to know how to stop blaming others for your problems.
Some people tend to find a reason to push the blames on others and exempt themselves from it which is wrong.
It is important to remember that no matter how hard it is, breaking up with someone is not easy — especially if it is someone like a friend or family member.
Breaking up with an ex-friend is never easy, especially if it was a long-term relationship.
It is easy to get wrapped up in all of your hurt feelings when breaking up with someone who means a lot to you — especially if that person is someone close enough.
However, when breaking up with someone who means a lot to you, it is important to take yourself as well – by being gentle with yourself while doing so.
You need to remember this is not just about you – it is also about the other person who is going through this difficult time too.
15. Remember why you liked them in the first place
Friendships are hard to maintain when there is no mutual respect between two people.
It is easy to forget why we were first and first place and why we decided to stick around after things got rocky.
So, if you are struggling with how to get over a friend breakup, try and remember what made this person special to you and why you wanted to be around them so badly in the first place.
It is easy to forget why you liked your ex-friends at all. If anything, it might be hard for you to remember exactly what made them special.
The best way to get over someone is by remembering why you liked them in the first place. For example, maybe they were always there for you when no one else would be — or maybe they were always there for you when everyone else was making fun of you behind your back.
Whatever it is, try and remember why you liked them before thinking about what went wrong between you and them during your friendship.
Remember why you liked them in the first place. The time you invited them to family projects at home because you considered them family, and other fun activities.
Do not forget how much you loved them when they were your friend.
16. Give yourself time
Friendships can be hard, but they are always worth it in the end. If you have been hurt by a friend, give yourself some space to heal.
Do not try to force yourself back into the relationship or else you will just make things worse.
The best way to deal with a friendship breakup is by giving yourself time to process it before deciding what next steps should be taken.
If you have not decided yet, take that time — and do not rush into another relationship immediately (even if you are tempted).
When it comes down to it, you need space to make decisions about your friendships and relationships in general.
Spend time with other friends doing things that you enjoy and set aside some time to think of friends you want your friendship to progress from here on out.
Give yourself some time to process what happened, even if it takes days or weeks.
You may not feel like anything is wrong or right, but this will make things easier when you are ready to talk again.
It also helps to take a break from social media or other activities that remind you of your friend because this will help you focus on other things and get over their actions faster.
It takes time for friendships to fully heal from any kind of conflict or hurtful behavior — even when those issues were resolved long ago.
So do not expect things will be back to normal overnight after a breakup; it could take months or even years before everything feels right again between two people who once had strong bonds of friendship
17. Talk about the relationship openly with trusted friends
Friendships can sometimes become strained over the years.
We may be growing apart, or perhaps we have just had a huge fallout and cannot seem to get past it.
Whatever the reason, it is important to talk about the relationship openly with trusted friends.
They may have some insight into why the relationship ended, or they may have suggestions on how to move forward.
If a friend has betrayed your trust, the best thing to do is talk about it openly with trusted friends.
It is important, to be honest, and open, so that you can understand what happened and work out why they did it.
The more you can say, the easier it will be to put things in perspective and move forward.
Meanwhile, it is best to be completely honest about your feelings with someone who can give you advice and help you through this difficult time.
You can achieve a lot more when you gain an understanding of how to be mentally strong and fearless.
If you have been honest about your feelings in the past and things have gone badly for one or both of you, it may be time for a candid conversation about what went wrong and how to resolve it.
18. Do something nice for yourself
One of the best ways to get over someone is to take care of yourself first—and that means spending time with family or friends who love you, going on a hike or bike ride, or just doing whatever makes you feel good right now.
The more time you spend away from thinking about your ex, the easier it will be to let go of them completely.
Do something nice for yourself — something that makes you feel better about yourself or helps you figure out why this ended so badly in the first place.”
Take a few moments each day to think about all the good things that happen in your life — big or small — and make a mental note of them.
Doing this will help you remember that friendships can be difficult but ultimately rewarding if you take the time to appreciate them.
Know how to be happy with your life alone before bringing anyone into it.
Do something as little as just taking a walk or meditating — so that when you are ready to talk again, you will have something positive to say instead of being angry at yourself for giving in to anger rather than talking about it with someone else.
19. Get some exercise
Exercise releases endorphins that make us feel happy and energized, which will help reduce stress and make it easier for you to get over an ex-friendship.
20. Make some new friends
If you are feeling lonely or isolated, try joining a club or group activity like hiking or swimming that lets you meet new people who share similar interests as you do—and hopefully become close friends with at least one of them.
I know you feel better now 🙂
In conclusion, breaking up with a friend, especially a dear friend can be devastating.
However, you do not have control over external circumstances but you can fine-tune your reaction to make a seemingly bad situation work in your favor.
You do not have control over your friend’s behavior but you have absolute control over your reaction.
You can control and help yourself to get the best out of a breakup.
It is not always easy but it is worth the try.
Below is the outline of the steps you can take to feel better and get better:
- Analyze the situation that led to the breakup.
- Write out the benefits of letting go
- Spend time with others
- Distract yourself
- Stay out of contact
- Always remind yourself that you are in charge of your life
In addition, you need to know that who you give access to in your life determines how far you will go in life.
A wise man once said, ‘you cannot go beyond who your friends are.
‘If your best friend is a negative person, you will be affected by his or her negativity.
If he or she is narrow-minded, you cannot be any better.
Remember that the only guaranteed long-term friendship is friendship with yourself.
No other relationship is guaranteed. So move on and become the best version of yourself.
I hope this article was a great read. Which of the points do you feel you should improve on?
Kindly drop your comments in the section below. I look forward to hearing from you.