How To Concentrate On Studies When In Love
Several years ago, I was at a crossroads of choosing between my studies and my love as the priority. I loved my books and wanted to make my parents proud. I also loved to put in my best in whatever I commit myself to do and that includes relationships too.
Few months into my resumption as a student in the university, some guys approached me but I just didn’t give them a chance, they are not bad though. As a matter of fact, they are good, enthusiastic and jovial – but I wasn’t just ready.
A particular guy came later on and I felt he might be the one so I prayed till I got a conviction that compelled me to give it a try. Others came after him but of course, I had my convictions already, they were too late. (Don’t ask me why they kept coming. 😆 )
He was in his finals while I was just starting my degree. You would ask if I was in my right senses to try that, right? Fears of human’s unpredictable nature overshadowed my convictions.
Due to the long-distance relationship it was, I felt he would get someone else later and jilt the naive me just starting out 🙄 . Mum further spoke senses into me (You know mothers can be quite tough on the female gender 😀 ). Dad was a softy, he said he would also pray and get back to me on the matter.
But then, close friends thought I was nuts. 😆 . Why would a first-year student be in a serious love relationship? That’s the usual thought anyway, especially if you originate from Africa.
Long story cut short, we had a six-year courtship, I graduated as the best student in my department and faculty and we have been happily married for some years now.
Let’s get back to business… 😎 .
So, maintaining a good academic record alongside a rich love life can be quite distracting and eventually unrealistic if and only if you are oblivious of the following secrets I am about to share with you. By the time you digest this article, you would be able to maintain your excellent grades no matter the circumstances surrounding your relationship or love life.
1. Set and actualize your academic goals
Kenneth Chenault said – “many people don’t focus enough on execution, if you make a commitment to get something done, you need to follow through on that commitment”.
To achieve anything in life, you need to have clear goals. You want to succeed in your studies and top your class, you need clear goals to walk and work with.
You don’t just sit there to imagine it, you have to prepare and plan towards it. If possible, write them on small sticky notes and paste them where you can see them as often as possible.
An example of a goal you could set is: “I want to have excellent grades in all my courses this semester”. That’s a big one though, you don’t just stop at writing it or saying it, act on it!
Look for situations that work for you and circumstances that will spur you into achieving it, then commit to it. When I say commit yourself to it; I mean consistency. Be consistent with acting on your goals to the extent that if you eventually miss your routines, you should feel empty and remorseful for the rest of the day.
2. Tell your lover doggedly
When I was in high school, I used to wonder what lovers talked about for hours. They would sit on the lawn during class breaks and talk to the extent that, I kept wondering if they were planning their future family at that stage. 😀
The sad thing is, due to the level of immaturity and shortsightedness of young lovers, many end up spending precious time exchanging sweet words and fantasizing all day.
The truth is, when you get older, your priorities take shape because old age is like climbing a mountain, you climb from rack to rack, the higher you get, the more tired you become, but your views become more extensive and deep.
Let him or her know you expect his support and understanding in crucial times. Especially when you need some time off to concentrate and prepare adequately for your exams. Even if this would mean reducing your calls and meetings.
3. Don’t be so emotional
This is real.
Yeah, Emotions are real. If you don’t curb it when needed, you may give it a chance to overpower your intelligence. This same emotion is what makes a matter control your mind so much and makes you a pulp, needing time and the right words to heal you.
When you are in love, don’t fall sheepishly so deep that you can’t heal up on time when your heart breaks. This may not mean the end of your relationship. It might mean some misunderstandings and disagreement between you and your lover. At this point, you need to pick yourself up, focus on your priorities and you’ll heal faster that way.
You only need to console yourself with the fact that we are all human beings and we can make mistakes. The moment you realize your mistakes or your partner’s, forgive yourself for allowing it to happen and move on. However, if you are the type that has invested so much intimacy into your love life such as sex, it might be harder to set your heart in proper shape. In this case, you might need a professional counsellor to talk some sense into you.
4. Triangular or square life
As I call it, a triangular life is a predictable way of life. Have a schedule of your movement and keep it to yourself. You shouldn’t let people change your plans or movement for the day with flimsy reasons and excuses. An example of a triangular life is – From home to class, to the library and back home. A square becomes home to the library to church to tutorial/meeting and finally home.
If you plan to go to the library by 10 a.m. and about that time, your friend comes to tell you “hey, please let’s quickly visit the football field and play football for a while.” After a while, he or she comes again “I need to go somewhere and I don’t want to go alone, please, let’s go together.”
These are time wasters. If it’s urgent and important, you could help a friend but if it keeps happening, you need to watch out. Avoid distractions that pull you out of your routines and take you far from your goals. It’s all about defining what you want from life and sticking to it.
5. Know God
It doesn’t have to sound spiritual or religious but the fact is, they that know their God shall do exploits. They could combine intellect demanding and heart sensitive tasks together without having to fail in one. This could be in business, academics, relationships, love, marriage, career, family and what have you?
6. Believe you can and encourage yourself
When you believe you can, all other things don’t matter. This write-up is not to push you into what you don’t want to do. If you decide not to try a relationship for personal reasons, that’s fine.
But if you are still in doubt of whether it would affect your studies or not, look at it this way. You are not the first student to be in a relationship. If someone tried it and found a balance, you too can.
Although if you are so emotional and you think handling a relationship would not work for you, it’s better to stay away from it until you think you are ready.
The truth is, all you need is zeal and consistency. Apply these tips and you’ll see yourself flying in beautiful colours while winking at your lover from the podium on your graduation and award-giving day.
A quick addition
On a final note, some people believe that you are unserious to be in a relationship as a student. I understand the fear of unwanted pregnancy, uncontrollable emotions, misplaced priorities and what have you?
A crucial reason young adults fall victim of misplaced priorities is because they haven’t spent sufficient time thinking about what they want from life and they haven’t set formal goals for themselves.
I think the most important thing in life is knowing how to stand firm when making long-term decisions – choosing your spouse, career, business e.t.c. Have the right reasons for your choice and remind yourself about why you made that choice, just in case something doesn’t go right.
After all, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to set out on a significant journey without factual knowledge of your final destination.
In my opinion, I will encourage you to pray concerning critical decisions as this. Success in other aspects of life with a huge failure in your love life could rob you of inner bliss. I hope you find the kind of love you desire and also excel in all other aspects of your life.
So, if this post made you feel good, kindly share the feeling with your friends and loved ones. Also, let me know in the comment section if you have an additional tip that worked or still works for you. 😉